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Sep 3, 2005
Dear Grandpa
I never cried as much any other night than the night that you went out of this world. You were brought into this world to live and thrive. You raised every soul. You pushed me to climb high and higher. You also helped me through and through.And thats one reason why I am thanking you. You told me not to be scared that death will be soon. I'm sorry that I didn't get to write you a letter that I promised, and that I didn't get to say goodbye, and thats one reason that makes me cry. I understand why you died, God needed you, so I should not be selfish, but I want you to know I miss you already. Thank you for always beening there, you always did care. Sorry I didn't sing to you when you asked me to. But now when I sing in my choir I will be singing my soul out for you, and I hope your listening too. PLease forgive me, because i love you very much. Even though we can not touch, I still feel you in my heart, you were always there from the very start. Thank you for being my grandpa, and loveing me so dear. I hope you can hear me now, because I know your in a better place, and there will always be that space where you were. You always had a big heart, and I want you to know that I love you so and I am sorry you had to go. God gave you life so it's only right that he could take it back. But he has you with him now. And God please if you hear me now please tell him I love him so. I really must go because its hard fighting through the tears to see the paper. But I love you so and I am sorry you had to go
Posted at 04:06 pm by Stephanie333
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Aug 27, 2005
I walked and I walked. A pain that haunted me was taking over my every thought. The terrible dawn that came so new, showed me that i made it threw another damned night. Watching as the sun arouse and movement in the world became visible again. REalizing life goes on, people change, and love as we know it becomes non existant. You start to understand that its not every breathe you take that makes you alive but everyone in your life that makes you alive. To be living and yet you never really were born.Taking all the bullet shots at you and having no sence of feeling. Two people saying they will when they won't. Then saying they do when they don't. People asking for trust when they are lieing anyway.Trying to hate and forget when you know thats not whats in your heart. Repeating to your self that you don't need them. Also trying to make your self believe that they don't mean a thing when you know they mean everything.When everyone says they mean nothing to the world when to you they mean the world.You think of them still. You act a little different, someway quite weird. Promises say it will be ok, and lies saying your doing fine. When all in side of you is dieing.This is not quite life but something like it
Posted at 11:36 pm by Stephanie333
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Jun 18, 2005
Love Hurts,
love hurts when your the only one in it.
love hurts when you can't have forever with that person.
love hurts when things don't go your way.
love hurts when you fight with them.
love hurts when they don't call.
love hurts when you never can see them.
love hurts when you do see them and you know that you can't have them, or that you feel that you are not good enough for them.
love hurts when you can't say how much you feel for that person.
love hurts when you think they like someone else.
love hurts when you set your heart on a platter and put it infront of that person, and all they do is leave it sitting their roting and molding. Getting old, and getting rather cold.
Everday it gets a crack,
and on the last day...
it shatters................
Posted at 06:07 pm by Stephanie333
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Jun 1, 2005
Black Eyes See No Future....
Its gone...
The Sparkle, the glimmer, the smile.
Your eyes are cold and black...
Invisible while eyes are shut...
A heart Stabbed and smashed..
I am everything you need..
But I mean nothing to you and I don't
know why.
I saw your eyes, and you saw me but
it was like I was invisible. Ad If I
really wasn't there.
I have to stop loving you. I have
to stop thinking about you. I don't want
to but what's the use of holding on to
you when you don't have feelings for me.
Its me a human trying to fly without wings
with once I did have. Now my wings have
been cut off.
Posted at 02:20 pm by Stephanie333
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May 28, 2005
I'm walking away from the dreams that are in my life,
trying to take back whats mine.
And you know I'll be just fine.
I'm runing away from the people in my life,
there controling my mind, telling me what's not right.
You hear me scream and yet you stand there.
You see my tears and yet you just look at me.
You walk away without even a goodbye.
And it seems as if you don't care,
when its not even fair.
Just to stoping falling,
falling for all the lies. To stop hating my life.
To stop feelings bad, even sad.
For the mistake that I should've never had to make.
To take the chance, to risk it all, just so I could fall
and I stopped feeling so tall.
Waiting for all the feelings to pass me by so
that I can just drive away.
From the time I'll look back you will know I
will have gotten what's mine.
Posted at 05:38 pm by Stephanie333
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In my disbite I am left with nothing.
Not even a pill to eaise the pain.
Nor a bottle of whiskey to earse the memories.
IN all of this I blame myself .
Years from now, you will still be on my mind.
IN this I ask for one last memory before the whiskey
touches my lips I ask for that one last kiss,
so I may die with one last taste of your kiss
on my blood filled lips..
Posted at 01:07 am by Stephanie333
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May 26, 2005
Its such a fate,
for how I love to hate.
To never appericate the smiles we glared,
the laughs we shared.
the times that were left untold,
the memories that were left to unfold.
I didn't want to seem to care,
because it seemed so unfair.
My heart felt like it was being ripped out by a bear,
ripped and torn, feeling oh so worn.
Everyday I would morn,
crying my eyes out with my tears, that were from my fears.
Afraid of you leaving me but not feeling like your really here.
It seemed so unclear,
I didn't understand. You were a man, now your a boy. A boy doesn't know love, a boy doesn't fall in love. So I say be a man, why can't you understand that i want you to be my man....
Posted at 04:55 pm by Stephanie333
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May 19, 2005
Thats the way it is,
I can't change it,
my words won't heal the wound.
It happend, it was ment to be that way,
in a way I wish it went your way but
then again I am happier,
so why should I complain,
its how I wanted someone to be for me all my life.
I just didn't think it wouldn't be you,
I thought it was all planned out,
me and you together till the end,
but I guess thats not what was ment to be,
you say your not happy,
just somewhat sad,
but in a way so am I,
I had a feeling this might happen,
and now that it has I guess this is where my path will lead me.
If I would have known this would have happend I can't say I would have wanted to stop it because I have what I always wanted, a love, an admiror, a best friend at the same time a boyfriend, someone that will show me affention even infront of everyone else..And in another way I can't say i didn't wish this was so.
Thing was I just wanted you to be that way, and thats what makes me a little sad because a little of me still wishs that you were like that and that this wasn't so.. But this is how its ment to be...
Posted at 02:53 am by Stephanie333
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Apr 26, 2005
Love is only present when physical attraction,
physical touch, thoughts, predictions, wondering,
logic, questions are thrown out the window.
Its love when you don't know it.
Its forever that way even even if you don't
see its. Its solid even if it can crack.
Leting all your guard down and realizing that
this only one chance, one life to live, seeing that
person even if they are invisible.
Leting them speak to you even they are mute
and you are deaf.
Healing without taking medicine.
Its like bunji jumping, you keep bouncing
till love hits the wire and you fall.
Then suddenly your flying.
Realizing its not others decisions, just
your own.
There isn't a reason why you can't stop thinking
about them.
There isn't a reason why when you see them all you
know earses.
there isn't a reason why you smile even when you see
them from far away.
One reason, one chance, one life to live,
one god given right, one written law...
.....LOVE
Posted at 12:52 am by Stephanie333
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Apr 11, 2005
As the blood runs through my vains,
i feel the pulsing, the furry the anger..
As the chains cut into my skin,
the blood drips down the covers in the middle of the night.
So that a scream can not be heard.
I lie awake in a puddle of questions.
Wishing the dark would be light,
the foged would be clear.
The pain to subside.
Feelings and the emotions just run through my hands as i cover my face,
covering the pain and only trying to wipe away the never ending tears.
Wanting to be better,
and hating the mistake I am,
and hating the monster i have become.
Wishing for a hero to break my chains and set me free.
To break away from this missory.
Posted at 10:30 pm by Stephanie333
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